


Feline Frustrations

by DittyWrites



Series: Gotham Rogues Drabbles [17]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham (Video Games), Batman: Arkham - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Just Add Kittens, Short & Sweet, This is ridiculously cutesy and i am weak for grown men with kittens, sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 23:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12922281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittyWrites/pseuds/DittyWrites
Summary: As much as Edward did genuinely enjoy working with Selina on their various nefarious projects, there were always complications which arose when his favourite cat burglar spent too much time in his private spaces.Such as the grey ball of fluff which was currently asleep on his workbench.





	Feline Frustrations

**Author's Note:**

> As per always, the title is pure shite.

As much as Edward did genuinely enjoy working with Selina on their various nefarious projects, there were always complications which arose when his favourite cat burglar spent too much time in his private spaces.

Such as the grey ball of fluff which was currently asleep on his workbench.

Three hours had passed since he had discovered the creature and, one quick trip to the local store later, he was now ready to begin removing it from his space. A small pet carrier and a bag of cat treats had been purchased and he had no doubt that the kitten would be unable to resist following his wishes.

It was all her fault after all.

Whenever Selina inhabited an area for an extended amount of time, the number of cats in the local vicinity seemed to increase regardless of how populated the area had been prior to her arrival. It was almost supernatural, the way she attracted felines, but it never bothered him too much since she tended to take the local strays home with her.

He had been tempted to just throw it one of his old bowler hats and deliver it to Selinas’ door but if she suspected for a moment that he had mistreated the kitten in any way she would no doubt deliver her own brand of vigilante justice.

So the twenty dollars spent on basic supplies was well worth his jaw remaining intact for the foreseeable future.

Placing the carrier onto the workbench, he opened the bag of treats and gently prodded the fluffy ball with a single digit until it stirred.

Rolling onto its feet languidly, the kitten immediately awoke from its sleep and its bright, green eyes had an unmistakably irritated look in them as it sized up the human who had disturbed them.

Studying it, Edward was pleased to see that it looked relatively clean and could not have been more than a few months old at best. Its wide green eyes were offset by its dark grey fur which was flecked with lighter tones of grey and a small patch of white which decorated the center of its stomach.

He could see the appeal in kittens as a species as even he could not deny that it was somewhat cute. Growing up, his father had never allowed him to keep any form of pet and although he had been tempted to sneak one home, the thought that his father could discover it and punish both him and the animal was too much of a risk.

Overall he found that cats were preferable to dogs. They had an independence which he could appreciate and while their loyalty was harder to gain it could easily rival that of any dog. Or maybe it was just his many dealings with Selina which had affected his preference. Either way, the kitten had to go.

He was not interested in a pet at the moment.

Tearing the bag open he pulled out a single treat and held it between his fingers as he offered it to the cat in an effort to entice it towards the pet carrier. Once locked in, it would be delivered straight to its new home.

Staring at him with outright suspicion now, the cat held his gaze for a moment before darting its eyes between the outstretched hand which contained the treat and the other in which Edward had clenched the full bag between his fingers.

“Well hurry up.” Edward huffed, but his exasperated tone was tinged with curiosity as he wondered what the kitten was thinking. It seemed to be weighing up its options.

Coming to a obvious decision, the cat moved quicker than Edward anticipated and a sudden sharp pain in his hand caused him to drop the bag of treats as the cat drew its claws across his exposed fingers.

Pulling his hand to his chest instinctively, he inspected the scratch while an irritable scowl appeared on his face as he watched the small beads of blood began to well from the wound.

“If I need to get a tetanus shot I am going to kill you you little-” Edward hissed as he turned his glare back to the animal but the heat dissipated as he caught sight of the tail-end of the cat disappearing into the pet carrier.

With the full bag of treats.

Taken while he had been distracted.

Despite the stinging pain, he managed a smile as he came to the realization that he had been played. By a kitten.

“Smart little one aren’t you?” He muttered as he stared at the green eyes which were now watching him pensively as he turned to face the carrier fully.

Titling it up at the opposite end, he shook it slightly in order to dislodge its occupant.

The faint scratching from inside the carrier only lasted a moment as the small grey ball tumbled from the opening. Before it could get its bearings, Edward gently grasped the scruff of its neck and brought it to his eyeline.

“Brave little thing,” he continued to mutter as the ball of fur glared at him, presumably embarrassed by its predicament, “i’ve eaten steaks which are older than you and here you are causing trouble.”

The kitten shifted uncomfortably and he instantly released its neck and placed it into his open palm.

“Smart too though,” he mused, “you understood that the bag would provide a greater allowance of treats than the one you were being presented with.”

Padding at the exposed palm with apprehension, the kitten tested out its new platform before settling down and placing its neck across the tips of Edwards’ fingers.

Unable to help himself, Edward reached out with his other hand and scratched the small area behind the kittens ear, smiling again as a soft purring instantly started to emit from the tiny creature.

“I suppose you could stay the night,” his words were contemplative as he spoke half to the kitten and half to himself, “but first thing tomorrow morning you are going to Selinas’. I am the Riddler, not Catman. I do not have time to keep a pet.”

As if in response to his explanation, the kitten let out a well-timed yawn and shifted its body again to find a comfortable sleeping position on Edwards’ palm.

“First thing tomorrow morning.” He repeated, with a complete lack of finality.

**-Two Weeks Later-**

“Is that a kitten?” Her eyebrows almost reaching her hairline, Selina could not believe what she was seeing.

It was not uncommon to find odd things in Edwards’ workshops but the small cat bed which decorated the end of his central workbench and appeared to contain a tiny kitten was a step above the average oddity.

Following her gaze, Edward looked at the kitten he had found himself unable to get rid of. Rolling his eyes at her, he was unable to resist being sarcastic, “And here I believed that you were the expert, Selina. The kitten is an unwanted distraction. I will deal with it soon enough.”

“Don’t be rude Edward, it doesn’t suit you,” Selina countered instantly, “and since when do you keep pets?”

Squinting at the kitten with an odd mixture of fondness and exasperation, Edward sighed, “He is not a pet,” a pause, “and as soon as I’ve worked it out you will be the first one to know.”

Selina coughed to cover her small laugh at Edwards’ expense.

“And his name is Leibnitz.”

She didn’t even bother to cover her laughter this time.


End file.
